January 2020

Everything is yellow. I haven’t seen the sun in a long time. I am not even sure if I remember what it looks like. Around me there is nothing but fog. It has spread over the river and the buildings, like a veil, covering the city. Maybe in a different world that would have been a beautiful, picturesque place, but now it reminds of a horror-movie-setting. Even the air is heavy, tense and weighs us down. It feels like living in a box, in a prison from which there is no escape. Hopelessness has found a place in my soul and does not intend to leave. The streets are dark and the only thing that lights them is the sinister yellow light, coming from the street lamps. The cold and the wind work together to make sure everything stays as it is by carefully aiming a freezing breath towards people`s hearts.

This creates a certain state of mind and dictates the rules for mine and the people around me`s existence. That includes apathy, lack of motivation, lack of hope. All dreams die before they are even developed as such and every spark of passion is extinguished. I look around and see figures without faces or personalities. They all look the same. No sympathy, no positivity, no love could be found here. I soon realize that I am just like them. I am part of a mass of faceless people. Finally, I am part of something! Nothing sets us apart. The heaviness in the air is pressuring us more and more. As a result, misunderstandings and problems start to appear. That happens because we have forgotten how to be something different. Maybe we are lost, but no one cares to find out.

We keep going to work and to school every day, then come back to our small, dark, cold apartments. We lay down and pretend we don`t exist. Even the dreams at night are confusing and often just a blank spot. Because of the yellow fog that covers everything, it is impossible for us to see the right path and make a next step. Or any step, in any direction. The development has come to an end. The yellow light and the fog have done their job. We might as well be already dead, what difference does it make?

So, all that is left for us to do, is to survive. Life is only about survival. Even the ones who think they have a vision, a plan, an idea about the future, are finding it harder and harder to follow into their plans and soon the fog swallows them. Not literally, this is not a horror movie. It just swallows their visions, plans, ideas. Then it spits these right back out. But now the visions are disturbed images, which make little sense to anyone. The plans are mixed with confusion and lack of motivation, and all new ideas now sound stupid.

Very soon, our lives shrink. Because if you do not constantly add new experiences, new people, new goals and dreams, your life stops making sense. You become a shadow of a person. But this is just a hypothetical situation. No one has time to go into details. The cold and the wind have finally reached their goal. At least their plan is fulfilled.

Perhaps you thought that here everything would turn around and that there would be a happy end. Sorry to disappoint you. Maybe this type of thinking makes no sense to you. Well, I guess I have to be the one to break it to you — very often, nothing makes sense. Even this text. So just forget what you just read and continue your life in the yellow fog. It shouldn`t be hard.