Mariyabbel

26.03.2020

Everything is yellow. We haven`t even seen the sun in a long time. I am not even sure if I remember what it looks like.

I dont see anything around me but fog. It is spread over the river and the buildings, like a veil, covering the city. Maybe in a different time, that would have been a beautiful, picturesque place, but now it reminds of a horror-movie-setting. It feels like we are all in a box, a prison from which there is no escape.

The air is heavy, tense and weighs us down. Hopelessness has found a place in our souls and does not intend to leave. The streets are dark, the only light there is, is the yellow, sinister one, coming from the numerous street lamps.

The cold and the wind work together to make sure everything stays as it is. And while nothing particular is dangerous or unpleasant about that place, my outer and inner worlds look and feels the same.

This creates a certain state of mind and dictates the rules for mind and the people around me`s existence. That state of mind includes apathy, lack of motivation, lack of hope. It kills all dreams and extinguishes all passion. Everywhere I look, I see no faces, no personalities. Just figures.

They all look the same. No sympathy, no positivity, no love could be found here. I soon realize that I am just like them. I am part of a mass of faceless people. Finally, I am part of something! Nothing sets us apart.

The heaviness in the air is pressuring us and as a result, misunderstandings and problems start to appear. Just because we have forgotten how to be something different. Maybe we are lost, but no one cares to find out.

We keep going to work and to school every day, then come back to our small, dark, cold apartments. We lay down and pretend we don`t exist. Even the dreams at night are confusing and often just a blank black spot.

Because of the yellow fog that covers everything, it is impossible for us to see the right path and make a next step. Or any step, in any direction. The development has come to an end. The yellow light and the fog have done their job. We might as well be already dead, what difference does it make?

So, all that is left for us to do is to survive. Life is about survival. Even the ones who think they have a vision, a plan, an idea about the future, are finding it harder and harder to follow into their plans and soon the fog swallows them. Not literally, this is not a horror movie. Just their vision, plans, ideas. And spits them right back out.

But now the visions are disturbed images, which make little sense to anyone, the plans are mixed with confusion and lack of motivation, and all new ideas now sound stupid. Very soon, our lives shrink. Because if you do not constantly add new experiences, new people, new goals and dreams, your life start making zero sense. You become a shadow of a person. But this is just a hypothetical situation. No one has time to go into details.

Perhaps you thought that here everything would turn around and that there would be a happy outcome in the end. Sorry to disappoint you. Maybe this type of thinking makes no sense for you.

Well, I guess I have to be the one to break it to you – very often, nothing makes sense. Even this text. So just forget what you just read and continue your life in the yellow fog. It shouldn`t be hard.